I was flipping through the channels the other day when I came across a troubling scene.
Wide eyed, uncaged, screaming humanoids were convulsing all over each other. Their limbs seemed unattached to the rest of their bodies, and as their arms and legs flapped haphazardly towards the heavens, I came to the conclusion they were possessed, and undergoing some sort of group exorcism.
When I spotted a lone figure in red waddling on stage, encouraging the behavior with a strange dialect that had the unmistakable rhythm of Haitian witchcraft I was even more convinced that some sort of intervention was taking place. The pantheon of this peculiar religion kept holding up various artifacts to the crowd, and each time she did, they responded with unintelligible chants and by having full body orgasms, which they directed towards the hulking deity, who reveled in the attention by mooing loudly as cheesecake and Stedman flew from her jowls. Women held their faces for fear of spontaneous combustion, and a grown man was seen rolling in circles on the ground, in between the aisles like he had just been hit in the keister with a taser used to subdue unruly dinosaurs.
Most had tears in their eyes, as I did later when I found out what the source of the chaos was from:
I'm hopeful National Geographic sends a team over to try and make sense of these strange peoples and find out which Mayan culture they originate from..
